Storytime - 'Exercise and the Busy, Working Parent'

Recently I was asked to contribute to a blog post tentatively entitled ‘X Ways Busy Working Mums Can Fit In Exercise’. I’m hoping you’ve just rolled your eyes the way I would! In true ‘Beth-style’ I responded by letting the Company know that it was a topic I felt very strongly about and had written a small piece to give my thoughts. If our views align, I can flesh it out.

I wrote the following.

“If you're reading this, you're a busy working parent, so I'm going to make a few assumptions. A small human demands you get out of bed before the sun rises, perhaps you can shake your partner awake to take care of breakfast, but...you're awake now. You might get 5 minutes to jump in a shower before you dress your tiny human; wrestle some shoes on; maybe load up a car seat or two; drive to daycare/grandparents/sitter; unload car seat(s), before taking yourself to work. Or, if you're still working from home, you're able to get your children into the playpen or dropped off at Nursery or school before you get back home and log in to 'start' your day. 

You work the day, then it's back out to pick up the kids from their respective activities, maybe juggling baby having a nap, helping older children with homework while you cook dinner and prep lunches for the next day, god forbid you be labelled lazy for getting a takeaway! A quick check of your phone to catch up with adults and sneak in a 5 minute grown up conversation, then it's down to dinner. Then it's bath time? Convincing the young ones that, yes, they are tired and it is past bedtime? 

If any of that sounds familiar - I've got news for you. You don't need to be shamed to 'fit in' exercise. Squats? You're doing them every time you pick up your children. Weights? Those car seats aren't weightless! Cardio? Running after the child that gets loose! You're doing enough. Sure, if you have the disposable income and flexible hours to pop to the gym in the middle of the day, that exercise class will make you feel sweaty and give you a good rush of endorphins, but it's not necessary. You get your steps in spending time with your family, running around a park when your baby needs, but doesn't want a nappy change!

As a Working Parent, your plate is at near capacity, 'fitting in' exercise comes when you feel ready.

When I sent the above, I informed them that I was not willing to edit the piece to focus on ‘busy, working Mums’ and that I expected gender-neutral language to be used throughout. Parenting is not a gender specific role, so why make content that furthers a narrative to suggest that it is. Secondly, I would not be writing a list of tips for parents to include exercise. For context, the brief suggested ‘a short HIIT workout while your child sleeps’ and ‘go to the gym for mid-morning classes’. Before opening the door of not knowing how old your child is, what kind of birth you had, we are assuming that these ‘busy working mums’ suddenly have free time mid-morning? And that they are able to complete a HIIT workout?! It doesn’t sit well with me!

The heart of my discomfort with the initial pitch was that it shames mothers into exercise under the guise of being helpful. It is telling parents that they are not trying hard enough if they can’t fit in a trip to the gym and positions having a gym membership as the only way to access exercise, and by extension, health. 

The response I got was very HR driven. That we had to use the term ‘busy working mums’ to get the content in front of the right audience, that the tips could be general because there were other articles that specified Pre and Post Natal exercise. At this point, I want to be very clear - there was an attempt to collaborate and pool both of our ideas together, but I chose to remove what I had already written. Given that I have my own, albeit poorly updated, blog - I understand how they work. No matter the content, it is dependent on the keywords and tags you post it with that make it available to the audience. Similar to posting on Instagram explaining why Slimming World is not the best approach then hashtagging SlimmingWorld - people searching for slimming world content will be directed there. The internet is pretty smart that way!

All that being said, there was a link included that showed me how the company had already written a blog about how busy Dads can fit in exercise. And off down the rabbit hole I went. Written by a Dad of three, it is a very emotive piece about the privilege of being a Father and how he goes to the gym at 5am three days a week, then is home with his family on other mornings, and how he loves the feeling at 6.30am when he starts his day, but has to be in bed at 10.30pm so he can wake up refreshed. Now, if that’s what works for his family, that’s his business - but what about single parents? Or parents with joint custody? By focusing on how Mums and Dads can fit in exercise and only including tips that rely on a family that has two present parents, we are neglecting a demographic. As of 2021 there were 3 million lone parents households in the UK, which equates to just over 15% of the population. In the same way that the Fitness Industry is all for meeting people where they are and treating people as individuals, in this scenario we’re okay giving out generalised advice that isn’t helpful?

There is one thing that this experience has made me realise is that the advice I give to my clients should come from the viewpoint of not having a nuclear family. Why give blanket advice? Yes, statistically speaking, most parents can leave their children at home with their partner while they go to an exercise class or a PT Session, but what about those who can’t? And even if you have a partner, we’re assuming that they are also available to take sole responsibility for their children. If we have ‘busy working Mums’, surely we have ‘busy working Dads’, what time is the partner finishing work? What activities are the children at that evening, is their partner able to leave work early to do the school run? There are so many variables that blanket advice is a disservice.

So, here are my reminders if you are a busy working parent;

1. In 5-10 years you won’t remember the exercise classes you went to, you’ll remember the time spent with your family.

2. Exercise does not exclusively happen in a gym. 

3. Mums - The phrase ‘lose the baby weight’ needs to get in the bin. You grew a human and put your body through trauma to bring them into the world. You are allowed to want to change your body, but it is not the expectation or the norm to ‘bounce back’

4. Dads - Every time you wake up and do the nightly feedings, or sit up waiting for your teenager to arrive home, you are not sleeping. It’s not just Mothers who go through health impacts!

5. Exercise and Health are not mutually exclusive.